Chuck Norris jokes are an web basic, memes from a time earlier than memes that remind us of the less complicated instances.
Chuck Norris wants no introduction however, on the off probability that you simply don’t know who he’s or why his “details” are basic web tradition, right here’s a short introduction.
Chuck Norris is a martial artist and film star who, and I can not imagine that I’m saying this, is 81 years outdated. He’s been in films for the reason that 70s and his final movie, The Expendables 2, was launched in 2012.
That’s all nicely and good, however what is that this “Chuck Norris details” enterprise? In brief, these Chuck Norris jokes started showing on the web again in 2005 within the type of satirical details concerning the titular martial artist and actor. Generally these details took the type of Chuck Norris quotes however have been normally simply punchy, one-line statements.
The “details” have been at all times ridiculously excessive and normally extolled Chuck Norris’s energy, endurance, lethality, or another manly side of his character.
Here’s a checklist of our 100 finest Chuck Norris jokes, Chuck Norris humorous quotes, and Chuck Norris “details.”
1. Chuck Norris doesn’t learn books. He stares them down till he will get the knowledge he desires.
2. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow beneath his gun.
3. If it appears like hen, tastes like hen, and looks like hen however Chuck Norris says it is beef, then it is beef.
4. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he does not flip the lights on, he turns the darkish off.
5. Chuck Norris as soon as went to mars. That’s why there aren’t any indicators of life.
6. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
7. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
8. Chuck Norris is the one man who can battle himself and win.
9. Chuck Norris as soon as had a coronary heart assault. His coronary heart misplaced.
10. Giraffes have been created when Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
11. Jack was nimble, Jack was fast, however Jack nonetheless could not dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
12. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 on the similar time? Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to battle his heartburn.
14. Chuck Norris as soon as roundhouse kicked somebody so arduous that his foot broke the velocity of sunshine.
15. Chuck Norris as soon as punched a person within the soul.
16. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
17. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
18. Chuck Norris as soon as went skydiving however promised by no means to do it once more. One Grand Canyon is sufficient.
19. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic desk as a result of Chuck Norris solely acknowledges the aspect of shock.
20. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
21. Chuck Norris stands sooner than anybody can run.
22. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one fowl.
23. When God mentioned, “Let there be gentle!” Chuck mentioned, “Say Please.”
24. There isn’t any chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There’s solely one other fist.
25. Chuck Norris can have each ft on the bottom and kick butt on the similar time.
26. Chuck Norris doesn’t bathe, he solely takes blood baths.
27. Chuck Norris is the rationale Waldo is hiding.
28. Chuck Norris invented airplanes as a result of he was uninterested in being the one individual that might fly.
29. Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
30. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless telephone.
31. Chuck Norris beat the solar in a staring contest.
32. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March thirty first to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris.
33. Chuck Norris is aware of Victoria’s secret.
34. Chuck Norris can begin a hearth with an ice dice.
35. Chuck Norris by no means retreats; He simply assaults in the other way.
36. If Chuck Norris have been to journey to an alternate dimension through which there was one other Chuck Norris and so they each fought, they’d each win.
37. On the seventh day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over.
38. We reside in an increasing universe. All of it’s making an attempt to get away from Chuck Norris.
39. Outer house exists as a result of it’s afraid to be on the identical planet as Chuck Norris.
40. Chuck Norris can communicate braille.
41. Chuck Norris has by no means blinked in his total life. By no means.
42. Chuck Norris’s stomach button is definitely an influence outlet.
43. The darkish is afraid of Chuck Norris.
44. When Chuck Norris was born, the one one that cried was the physician. By no means slap Chuck Norris.
45. Chuck Norris does not cheat loss of life. He wins honest and sq..
46. Chuck Norris can tie his footwear together with his ft.
47. Chuck Norris proved that we’re alone within the universe. We weren’t earlier than his first house expedition.
48. Chuck Norris can communicate French… In Russian.
49. As soon as a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After 5 days of excruciating ache, the cobra died.
50. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
51. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary pals.
52. When a zombie apocalypse begins, Chuck Norris does not attempt to survive. The zombies do.
53. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother dwelling from the hospital.
54. Dying as soon as had a near-Chuck-Norris expertise.
55. Chuck Norris as soon as ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was advised.
56. Chuck Norris doesn’t have to shave. His beard is scared to develop.
57. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep each evening he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
58. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails as a substitute of espresso within the morning.
59. The flu will get a Chuck Norris shot yearly.
60. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so highly effective, it may be seen from outer house by the bare eye.
61. Chuck Norris CAN discover the top of a circle.
62. Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow as a result of it was following too shut. It now stands 15 ft behind him.
63. Chuck Norris can construct a snowman out of rain.
64. The rationale the Holy Grail has by no means been recovered is as a result of no one is courageous sufficient to ask Chuck Norris to surrender his favourite espresso mug.
65. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
66. Earlier than he forgot a present for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was actual.
67. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
68. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to observe 60 Minutes.
69. Chuck Norris is the one man to ever defeat a brick wall in a sport of tennis.
70. Chuck Norris doesn’t put on a watch. He decides what time it’s.
71. Chuck Norris doesn’t personal a range, oven, or microwave, as a result of revenge is a dish finest served chilly.
72. Each time Chuck Norris smiles, somebody dies. Until he smiles whereas he’s roundhouse kicking somebody within the face. Then two folks die.
73. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
74. Chuck Norris can prepare dinner minute rice in 30 seconds.
75. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doorways.
76. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
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77. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
78. Chuck Norris does not have good intention. His bullets simply know higher than to overlook.
79. The dinosaurs checked out Chuck Norris the fallacious approach as soon as. You understand what occurred to them.
80. Chuck Norris can choose oranges from an apple tree and make one of the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.
81. Chuck Norris performs Russian roulette with a completely loaded revolver… and wins.
82. Since 1940, the 12 months Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick-related deaths have elevated 13,000 p.c.
83. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris lingerie.
84. The chief export of Chuck Norris is ache.
85. Main hand sanitizers declare they will kill 99.9 p.c of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of regardless of the hell he desires.
86. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
87. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
88. If you would like an inventory of Chuck Norris’ enemies, simply examine the extinct species checklist.
89. Chuck Norris received Coronavirus. Now the Coronavirus is in isolation.
90. The quickest approach to a person’s coronary heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
91. Time waits for no man. Until that man is Chuck Norris.
92. Within the Starting there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and advised it to get a job.
93. Chuck Norris as soon as gained a sport of Join 4 in three strikes.
94. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 folks, then it exploded.
95. Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
96. Chuck Norris does not dial the fallacious quantity, you choose up the fallacious telephone.
97. The one time Chuck Norris was ever fallacious was when he thought he had made a mistake.
98. Chuck Norris can minimize a knife with butter.
99. There isn’t any principle of evolution, only a checklist of creatures Chuck Norris permits to reside.
100. Chuck Norris’ tears remedy most cancers. Too unhealthy he has by no means cried.
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Dan O’Reilly is a author who covers information, politics, and social justice. Observe him on Twitter.